Phone features: Android is not for everyone

Today, through the power of metaphor, we will see that you are phoning all wrong.

Writing for CNN, David Goldman says “The iPhone is for people who drive Toyota Camrys.” (Tip o’ the antlers to @desingheretic.)

Goldman’s point is that Apple makes iPhones designed to appeal to the largest swath of people possible. This differs from Android because if you’re a refresh rate fetishist you can buy an Android device with a crazy high refresh rate. If you’re a folding phone fetishist, you can get a folding phone. A phone with a corkscrew? Uh, probably? The Macalope hasn’t looked. The point is, there are all kinds of Android devices and only a few kinds of iPhones. Advantage: Android.

Overall, the metaphor actually works pretty well. It probably shouldn’t be surprising that one company doesn’t make as many different kinds of models as hundreds of companies each trying to carve out a niche in what is for most Android OEMs a low-margin market. But the metaphor works. It’s the conclusion that’s the problem.

But the iPhone is designed for everyone. You can find an Android phone that feels like it was designed for you.

Really? Let’s leave aside the fact that most people don’t buy phones by saying “Refresh rate is like the only thing that matters to me. The outside of the phone could be covered in used razor blades but if it’s got a high refresh rate, mmm, yeaah, that’s the phone for me.” Most people buy for a rounded feature set and that’s exactly what Apple gets right.

But let’s just consider two specific features. These just happen to be the two most important features for the Macalope. Pure coincidence.

See if you can guess the one word that does not appear anywhere in Goldman’s paean to the superiority of Android phones.

If you guessed “privacy” you win absolutely nothing because we’ve been through this like 9,000 times. Also, the Macalope keeps telling you, his column is not a game show. He doesn’t know where you got this idea or how you got his number, but please stop calling. There are no prizes!