I can’t remember a time I didn’t want to be in a band. I knew not joining forces with similarly crazed people might mean I’d never be brave enough to create things and even if I did, I may never risk sharing them. Selfish? Maybe. Or lonely?
Maybe to “leave the house” is a metaphor for risking true vulnerability.
This job includes being a mirror or a blank screen for people to project onto and find themselves in. Being perceived in broad strokes will make you feel like a clown. Goofy and/or terrifying, depending on the day.
But as I’ve grown up, I’ve felt myself, little by little, let go of the tireless need for people to see me as “good”. Indeed, everyday I learn there is no such box to fit neatly into. It’s taken a lot of hard looks in the mirror, over many seasons of adulthood… but no longer do I question my ability to lead Paramore with integrity (and a healthy dose of dark and self-deprecating humor).
And just like a house can be a metaphor, so can a band. Paramore has been the vehicle by which me and my friends have learned our toughest lessons. It has kept us close and it has nearly killed us. You also have these metaphors in your life: What holds you back— what gives you courage— what force compels you to grow even when it’s uncomfortable or embarrassing.
(As for Paramore, the band, not the metaphor: We have crashed the van. We’re finding new ways. We have new maps. We are starting from point zero. And this time, we’re reading the fine print.)
Love to the ones who’ve needed our band the way we’ve needed it. Just know we are grateful.
– Hayley
